helping people get to the ‘ah ha’ moment

I realized today what my gift is, the thing that makes me special, and absolutley awsome.  The thing that makes me great is the fact that after not talking for four years, an old friend looks me up when his life is in shambles and falling in.  In less than three hours I can not only tell what is wrong but help him put enough of the pieces together to start healing and rebuilding.  That’s a gift.

I realize that the gift has a price and isn’t something i can magically do daily or for everyone without significant drain to myself.  I can’t hold people together, only they can if it is going to stick.  But i’m pretty good at holding the bottle of glue and saying ‘slap it here’.

skipped a day

Yesterday the only thing i did of note was working the cashbox.  Had a talk with my boss, and hopefully got the issues resolved.  Then my body decided to send out its monthly postcard so I’ve been pretty much managing to just deal with that.  Today went a bit better, worked the heptasphere, clockwise with sol in the north, much more potent.  I’m still trying to figure out the internal logic of it though.  Did a jupiter/venus hymn don’t know if the hymns are doing much by way of help.  I need to develop a system of checks to look into it.

daily life

ok so here’s the rundown.  I had been previously informed that I could not recieve a promotion at work because the position required store relocation.  Today I was informed that a position had opened up at my curent store and instead of being informed about it a new hire (less than 6 months) will be filling the spot (provided they can pass their exam and mysteriously get competent), and that for them the relocation clause was being waived.  As far as I know the new hire has no managment background experience prior (unlike me).

While this has been going on I’ve not been recieving any additional training at my job for general improvment purpouses.  My request for more time off to develop in other areas in reflection of this fact has been ignored.

Unfortunatley the job has good benefits, decent salary for what it is, and a few awsome coworkers.  As I don’t want to quit just yet, and I’ve been doing daily workings both mundane and  magically to champion my personal cause, I’m currently contemplating the ethics of just hexing the hell out of the new hire.  I don’t mean the hire any personal ill will, but I wouldn’t mind smashing the current work problem in the face with an esoteric brick. 

Not sure what it means but last night

Not sure what it means but last night I got advised that just because I know how the story begins, doesn’t mean i know how the story ends.  Today I did the zone right with sol in the south, noticible improvment in both balance and direction.  Oddly enough I found a second copy of the ‘correct’ zone right written the same way… with sol in the north.  It makes me wonder if the author copied it without editing, or is genuinley doing it with sol in the north.

oops… magician problems…

ok well I tried the heptasphere ritual from lesson 3 today for the first time.  I’ve been working with multiple planetary energies in my daily call and finally hit the stumbling block of ‘which gate do i open’ in my more traditional hexagram zone rite.  The heptasphere i formed was lumpy and odd shape but it held out pretty well.  It wasn’t the powerful kick in the ass that I usually get but it seemed more balanced.  After ritual I reviewed the heptasphere and discovered a typo.  Apparently sol is supposed to be in the south… duh.  Not how it was written in the north.  Oye vei.  At least I have tomorrow to try it again in the correct manner.  My only issue is how do I condense/bring it back to normal when I’m done with the zone?  I currently have a lumpy planetary sphere sticking to me that I have no idea what to do with.

Selene and Helios

As I purchased Miller’s advanced planetary magic at a price fairly higher than I’m accustomed to I have been doing a ritual a day.  Technically I think the 25 dollars was a fair price for the value of the work even though it is pdf only, I however am somewhat spoiled by my regular purchase of used books for $7-10.  It helps me not feel so bad about procuring the occasional dud.

Back to the topic of the post.  These rituals for whatever reason work much more effectivley when done in conjunction with a zone right.  I’ve been using a makeshift hexagram ritual from Frater U.D.’s High Magic with much success, but I’m starting to get tugged into finding something a bit less formal to use.  A centering ritual isn’t as important prior to doing one of Miller’s hymns, but they just don’t have the punch without the zone right.

Today’s hymn involved a selene/helios balance petition.  I’m certainly loopy enough, and curious to see where it will stabalize.  One thing of interest happened though, one of my regular guides instructed me to ‘call them as you love them’.  Basically when I projected selene and helios in the meditation, call them Luna and Sol.  Now I get that there isn’t a 100% equivocal between the groups, but it has me pondering the levels of transcendent divinity.

I wonder to what extent the dark night

I wonder to what extent the dark night of the soul and crossing the abyss are the same thing… phases of life purification.  Don’t get me wrong as I’m so young I’ve yet to hit my saturn return, (which really is a way of stating I cannot claim much knowledge based on experience) but the ritual last night got me pondering.  Part of the hymn contained the ‘take me over the abyss’.  The abyss I saw was a composit of all the filth associated with humanity, all the inherent flaws and weaknesses which thwart our progress and generally make our lives miserable.  To cross I had to become a being of pure light.  The abyss wasn’t terrifying, but it was meloncholy, a reminder of the progress yet to accomplish, the many inherent flaws and struggles I still cope with.  Even though as a refined spark I was able to pass through, I realized it would be work to go through it as anything more than a spark, and it was a fair amount of work to return.  The far side of the abyss contained only brilliant light and the reminder as far more knowledgable theurgists have always known that ‘every man and woman is a star’.  

I think if anything the experience has instilled a temporary amount of compassion for others.  Everyone is a spark of light, trying to navigate the darkness and filth.  Wether it be consiously, sucessfully, or otherwise every individual dances with the darkness.  I can only hope that as a collective we don’t get stuck there. 

dormancy

This blog has lain dorment for a while and it may yet retain such a state.  I’ve been facing a great many of my fears latley, but above all fears of unworthiness and fears of success.  Today I purchased Mr. Miller’s planetary chapbook.  After completing the hymn to saturn on his day in his hour i am not meloncholy, but solemn.  I also have a strange urge to write rubbish.  That is something that I’ve been hearing from all the great writing blogs I stumble across.  It doesn’t matter if it is good or not when you’re only writing for yourself.  The importance comes in writing. I think to some degree magic is the same way.  Goodness and aptitude come with practice, it doesn’t matter if you start off crude and unformed the charge is to dare.

Reiki adventures

I attended this month’s local reiki share with some fair amount of success.  The spirits keep telling me I need to do it more, even though it is a difficult creature to schedule time for.  My aura reading kicked on while i was doing table work.  It is an awkward thing as when it kicks in i get personal details of whomever I’m reading, often way too personal.  I usually do the polite thing and shut it off, but the reiki wasn’t letting me.  I had to see what blocks I was helping lift, the memories and experience I was healing.  In the end I stopped fighting.  I assume a surgeon has to have his eyes open when he cures a patient.  It is just difficult to do it, difficult to see things that i’m sure other people would rather I didn’t.

I have been incorporating the master meditation into my personal practice, it is a bit faster than sending reiki to my orchid.  Although, I suspect the orchid enjoys the personal reiki attention more than watching me wave my arms about and do breath work.  I’m not sure overall what i think of the meditation and wether or not it will stay.  Right now I figure at least I’m doing something.

I figured out recently why Usui had practitioners place their palms together in a moment of reflection.  It wasn’t for spiritual/prayerlike reasons like I had originally assumed.  After the reiki has been initiated, placing the palms together in a prayer position sends the current of energy through the opposite hands, up the arms eventually up into the heart.  It is essentially a reverse flow while the pressure builds.  It increases the healer’s capacity to transmit reiki by clearing out their own personal channels while increasing the reiki flow.

 

quickie notes

Just laid down a floorwash composed of vinegar, cinnamon, and garlic powder.  Charged it yesterday to get rid of and defend against spiritual nasties around the apartment.  Hopefully it will do a bit to get rid of the sugar ants that we’ve been noticing more of latley.

In other news the seal of solomon mercury talisman I ordered online (the hebrew is exciting to duplicate and my metalworking talents are nonexistent) has an interesting hum about it.  I charged the talisman during last week’s ritual and hope to recharge it today.  I find it interesting that the talisman and my sigil tend to not like being worn together.  Perhaps I’ve charged a diva?